These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
