don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
