I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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