I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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