I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
