Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
