Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
