I look better un-naked...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
