I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
