The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
