ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm both gender and math confused
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
