And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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