he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
