quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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