I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
