I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
