we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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