3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
