Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
