I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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