he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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