if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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