Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
