U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
