Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
