Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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