so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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