i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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