Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
