i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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