How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
