Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
