he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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