I hate your face
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
