Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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