OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
