i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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