Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
