I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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