Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
