dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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