All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
