I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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