another moral hangover. fuck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
