Heybabeimwearingurpanties
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
