Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
