were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
