If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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