so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
