We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
