Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Shame - the story of my life.
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