I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
